Faces I

More than a hobby

I think of a hobby as an activity that you do to disconnect from regular work and as a means of relaxation. Art has never been this for me. It is a myriad of things. Of course I do find it relaxing sometimes, but that has never really been my objective in pursuing art. What I want from art is the satisfaction of seeing myself grow as an artist. At the start, growth translated to higher proficiency in skill. Over the course of many years, this has now changed to mean a lot more than that.

I knew that I had to spend a significant amount of time drawing to get better. I like working in a planned manner. Mainly to estimate how much work is involved and to feel a sense of closure on completing a large project. It also simplifies things. All I have to do is stick to the plan and I will accomplish my goal. I also make a distinction between goals and wishes. While I may wish for many things, these things may not always be within my control. For example completing 30 paintings, 2 canvases and a small sketchbook in 1 year is a goal, while being published in a magazine is a wish. I like to make SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound) goals for a year and SMART subgoals for each month with sufficient buffer time to catch up on backlogs. However, this is only the first half of the puzzle. The second half is maintaining the motivation to complete the first half!

I find art to be relaxing while I am drawing. But outside of that it is not always as cheerful. I have lists on my phone of my monthly targets. And it’s a constant reminder of the tasks that I need to attend to. Over long periods of time this chafes away at my mental fortitude. Moreover, when working so often with something, it is unrealistic to expect that every session is going to be fun. It is very irritating to see an art piece not turn out the way I imagined it.

I maintain a competitive mindset and in this case I want to see progress and improvement. I guess everyone has a voice in their mind, a perception of self. My voice a lot of times sounds like a coach and there have been many occasions where I had to bully myself into completing these tasks.

While this paints a bleak picture, I do not say this to discourage anyone or myself. It is simply a reality of treating this as more than a hobby. It’s quite a lot like work in many ways. But my expectations of myself are over a long period of time. Facing these realities did not discourage me, but instead it gave more value to the work that I was doing. I have no obligation to make art and working on this with such tenacity gives me a deep sense of self worth. I’m not jumping with joy when I complete these projects, but rather I feel a quiet and long lasting sense of satisfaction.

The harsh reality of inspiration

One of the art books that I like suggests that I draw a lot. This is frustrating as it is very important for me to objectively quantify what ‘a lot’ is. I follow the work of concept artists on the internet and many of them maintain a sketchbook. Every day they make 1 cool drawing before starting with their work. It’s a good warm-up for them and a sounding board for new ideas. Looking at this periodically refreshes my own style and ideas. Moreover, I feel driven to express my ideas.

However, there is another side to this story. These artists spend 40 to 60hrs a week drawing. The skill that they exhibit is unparalleled and the rate of their progression is astounding. With my PhD research, sports and a social life, it is not possible for me to dedicate this much time to art. Even drawing 4hrs a week barely gets me to 200hrs in a year. The progression of the artists that I like is astronomical compared to mine. I so badly wanted to draw like them. But reality is quite harsh and I realize that my expectations are unrealistic! This was quite hard to digest for a very long time.

I had to eventually grow out of this sinking feeling and find a positive way to move forward. I refined my expectations of art. Perfection in detail will take time, but I accept it more now as a by-product of my process as opposed to something I actively strive for. Rather, now I try to be creative in my expression. I don’t want to make picture perfect images anymore. I want to instead direct my efforts towards finding unique ways of expression and to challenge my conventional ideas of how I’ve viewed art so far. Art is a journey for me and I’m happy that I’ve grown to appreciate art in more ways than I did previously.

Two kinds of motivation

I have a learnt a great deal working on this project, mostly things about myself. The most important lesson was a better understanding of my own motivation. I find motivation to be a fleeting and illusive thing. It is most often the case that I find it easy to draw when I'm already drawing. The challenge is in overcoming this mental barrier of bringing myself to sit down to work. In my experience with drawing I find two types of motivation.

First, the short term motivation. This is the motivation I find in little things. When I see an interesting portfolio, movie or other featured work, I feel excited to make something of my own. I also enjoy looking at the work process of other artists and there are plenty to be found on Youtube. However, Inspiration is not only limited to art. I find a lot of inspiration in music. Many of the metal bands that I listen to have a paltry number of likes or subscriptions. It is astounding to me that despite the niche audience there is still an abundance of music released every month. The motivation of a small metal band trying to make it in a competitive music industry empowers me to fight for my cause of making art. Lastly, I also find motivation in watching others. In this case, it is really not a question of how accomplished someone is, rather watching someone overcome their limitation (regardless of how simple the task is) is motivating. I find it engaging to try and explore more art and find inspiration in the things that I see happen around me.

While these things are indeed extremely motivating they are short lived. In my experience I find that it is hard to sustain that motivation for even a few weeks. In a month I have no memory of the spark that fueled me in the beginning. Consistency has led to the biggest improvements in my skill. This requires good discipline in adhering to the plans I set out for myself. I rely on my experience to stay motivated for the long stretches of time that these projects take to complete. I know the feeling of satisfaction that comes with completing a large project/challenge. Knowing that convinces me that what I’m doing is worth it. I yearn for that sense of accomplishment and the projects that I complete reinforce this sense of satisfaction. This not only motivates me in art but also in the other things that I do.